they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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