i just had sex bonerless
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
