dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize