i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
