grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
