youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
This is the high leading the old right now
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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