Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
