We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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