I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
