i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
