So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
