yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
