Ambien. No doubt about it.
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
