I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
