I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
