You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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