he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
