Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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