dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
