I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
