Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
