I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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