You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
