I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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