11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Randomize
