Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
