Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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