i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize