Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
