Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
