Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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