at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
