Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
