Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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