Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
a search helicopter?!
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
