dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
