I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
