Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I smell stomach acid.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
