I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
