the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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