OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
