a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
