If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
