Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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