you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
jump out the window naked night went bad
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
