So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
