As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
