Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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