Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
