My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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