I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
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Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
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She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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