I faked an abortion last night.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
