is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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