Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
