I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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