My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
