I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
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