i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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