if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
