remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
