You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
