Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
