I could have mohawked her pubes.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
We had sex on a dog bed..
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
